Mandy Anne Murray

To bring you: Growing Up Cullen, Version 2.0

by Pants and Socks.

me: I’m imagining a family goodwill trip to Africa.
*Jasper lurks in the shade of the Baobob tree*
Socks: While Alice flits around, trying to plan a group birthday party for all the poor kids
me: And Rosalie sits in the airconditioned Land Rover, complaining loudly about how the humidity is wreaking havoc on her hair.
Emmett’s off trying to teach the natives to play football.
S: and they totally don’t get it
me: I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT SOCCER. SOCCER IS A PANSY SPORT.
FOOTBALL IS THE AMERICAN WAY.
S: While Edward is off…sulking
me: Because his sweaters creep the kids out.
S: *jasper’s head pops out from behind the land rover*
Edward writes somber poetry about how unfair life is
while Emmett throws the football at him, repeatedly, because the kids have lost his interest
Edward ignores him for a while, but when all else fails, Emmett starts thinking about the woman in Tijuana and the donkey again and starts him on a rant
me: EMMETT. I AM IN THE ZONE. YOUR CHILDISH ANTICS DO NOT HELP MY WRITINGS. I AM TRYING TO EXPAND THESE CHILDREN’S HORIZONS.
S: WILL YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ME???
I’M PERFECTING MY ART!!!

(More …)

(Read the inspiration here. Friday’s Bits will be back next week.)